Recently I sent the standard form rejection to a submitter. I mistyped FLASH in the signature. It happens. I mean, if a certain not-to-be-named high up muckity muck editor can send me two rejections written to the wrong person, I can certainly miss a keystroke now and then, right?
That's not quite how this writer saw things.
My rejection (name changed to unjustifiably protect the asinine):
Dear [Full-of-Himself Writer],
Your submission has been deleted unread due to submission guidelines
Please read our submission guidelines before submitting again.
Falsh Fiction Online
His oh-so-irritating response:
Suzanne honey, hate to see you so overworked!
VIOLATIONS? I didn't realize I was submitting to the Treblinka Times. Sorry, I'll try to do better next time, kapo.
By the way, FLASH is spelled FLASH, not FALSH. Or was that a Freudian slip?
I sent to my Editor, asking if we could "blackball this a**hole." He wrote to said a**hole and sent me a copy of the letter, here:
Consider how you look when you send a simultaneous submission that's only 250 words long, when we explicitly state in our guidelines that we don't accept simultaneous submissions and that we only consider stories that are 500-1100 words long. Kinda stupid, right? I mean, as a writer, you should also be able to read. But oversights happen, and I tend not to be a lenient and light-hearted guy, so whatever. No big deal.
But then you're rude to one of my editors because she pointed out that you're not reading our guidelines. And then you insult her because she has a typo in one of the several hundred emails she sends each month. I have news for you -- that makes you look stupid, not her. StupidER, I should say.
Please don't submit to us again.